13 april 2010

Jezus' evangelie volgens Biff

Alvast een voorproef op een boekbespreking die ik wil doen over Lamb : The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal. Het eerste boek sinds Het Leven van Pi dat ik bewust zo traag mogelijk gelezen heb.
Biff en Joshua (Jezus) schrijven de bergrede. Want "like any great speech, the Sermon of the Mount sounds as if it juist happened spontaneously, but actually Joshua and I worked on it for over a week. Joshua dictating and me taking notes on parchment":

"How we doing on the Beautitudes?"
"Pardon me?"
"The blesseds."
"We've got: Blessed are those who hunger and thirst after righteousness; blessed are the poor in spirit, the pure in heart, the whiners, the meeks, the -"
"Wait, what are we giving the meek?"
"Let's see, uh, here: Blessed are the meek, for to them we shall say, 'attaboy'."
"A little weak."
"Let's let the meek inherit the earth."
"Can't. You gave the earth to the whiners."
"Well then, cut the whiners and give the earth to the meek."
"Okay. Earth to the meek. Here we go. Blessed are the peacemakers, the mourners, and that's it."
"How many is that?"
"Not enough. We need one more. How about the dumbfucks?"
"No, Josh, not the dumbfucks. You've done enough for the dumbfucks. (...)"
"Blessed are the dumbfucks for they, uh -I don't know- they shall never be disappointed."
"No, I'm drawing the line at dumbfucks. Come on, Josh, why can't we have any powerful guys on our team? Why do we have to have the meek, and the poor, and the opressed, and the pissed on? Why can't we, for once, have blessed the big powerful rich guys with swords?"
"Because they don't need us."
"Okay, but no 'Blessed are the dumbfucks.' "
"Who then?"
"How about the wankers? I can think of five or six disciples that would be really blessed."
"No wankers. I've got it: Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness' sake."
"Okay, better. What are you going to give them?"
"A fruit basket."

Ik denk nu al dat het 't beste boek is dat ik dit jaar heb gelezen. Niet alleen is het prettiger leesbaar dan het canonieke evangelie, het is (hoewel niet serieus bedoeld) ook nog een meer realistische voorstelling van zaken dan het canonieke evangelie. Ik kom erop terug.

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